One of the first things you’re going to want to do once you have found out that your husband has had an affair is confide in your family and friends. You’re going to be looking for support, and who can blame you? The problem is that telling those closest to you will often have an effect on any hope for a marriage reconciliation.
Rounding up the people around you to be in your corner may have a profound negative effect on any hope for reconciliation. You may not be able to completely repair your spousal relationship once you have told your friends and family. It is hard enough to get a grip on the thoughts and emotions that you’re currently feeling and sort them out on your own. It can be even harder when you are exposed to differing opinions and insights.
Your emotions are completely out of control once you have discovered that an affair has taken place. At one moment you will be wanting to escape from the world and at the next moment you’ll be wanting comfort from your loved ones.
Getting the right type of support
Dr. Frank Gunzburg, a professional that has been working with married couples after such a marital crisis, offers the following advice for finding the right type of support.
1. Selectively confide in people
Before sending out a public broadcast, figure out who you can trust to be there with you as a true friend. Selectively confide only in the people that you know will support you and won’t fly off the handle in an all-out campaign against your partner. That isn’t going to prove helpful for anybody in the end. You need time to think your thoughts out and need to be surrounded by people that will let you talk to get things sorted.
2. Let your needs be known
Deep down you already know that it is not the best idea to let everyone around you know about the affair. These are intimate and personal details that should not be shared with everybody.
Everyone you talk to is going to have their own opinion about the affair and are going to tell you what they would do if they found themselves in the same situation. This is all based on theory and what would happen if the world was perfect. It is a very striking difference to have something actually happen to you and have to deal with that than to work with theories about what you would do if something should happen.
The best thing to do is to let your family and friends know what you need. It is always best to be truthful and honest when dealing with your peer support group. If you don’t want to hear their opinions about your situation and don’t want any advice, let them know. Tell them that you are working things out on your own and only need a friendly ear as a sounding board. Your true friends and family will respect your wishes and this will leave you free to ask for advice when you are ready.
3. Don’t go through it alone
It is important to have some type of support group in place to help you get through the painful emotions. As humans we all need to rely on others to provide strength in times of need.
You’ll need help to get through this rough time and you also must prevent yourself from curling up into a shell and avoiding the world. When you are able to talk about the affair and the after-effects your burden will be eased. The more you are able to talk about your feelings and emotions the more you will be able to work through the negative energy and find solutions.
Find a support group that you trust, let them know what you need and use them to your benefit. You’ll discover during this course of treatment that you have true friends that are really there for you and will be able to gather more strength to help you deal with the situation.